I started this year with a gratitude list. A simple blog, really a reminder that no matter what life throws at you pleasant or unpleasant, I always feel thankfulness and gratitude.
Eleven months later, life looks nothing like what I imagined. I have made decisions that reshaped my future, my identity, and my understanding of partnership. Decisions I didn’t know I was capable of making until life demanded it.
Some people have called me strong.
Some said I am too soft and emotional.
Some believe I should have “known better.”
Even my own mother struggles with her faith when she looks at the turn my life has taken.
Friends and family are in disbelief not about what happened, but about how much I had been silently carrying, how nothing showed on my face, how I kept moving with dignity.
My answer to all of them is simple: I believe in doing my best and leaving the rest to Lord Krishna.
Does that mean I should have continued enduring and sacrificing myself?
Absolutely not.
It means I trust that there are equations from this life, and from the past lives that needed to be balanced. And when the moment came, when everything aligned, when the lesson was complete, it became time to end the toxicity with clarity and without any fear or doubt.
This clarity and strength comes from Krishna, and the resolve flows through the people he placed in my life.
And here’s the truth no one sees, my strength isn’t mine alone. It comes from my children too. Their resilience is more powerful than anything I carry. They have walked through the same storm bravely with tiny hearts and inner strength. They sensed my breaking points long before anyone else. They held me, wiped my tears, whispered “Aai, are you okay?” and reminded me that love can be pure even after pain.
I survived and endured because they stood with me not in words, but through unconditional love. They gave meaning to my life and a reason to keep going. I found hope because they became my hope.
And I found courage to reach the light at the end of the tunnel because my soul family stood by me with unwavering love. They held space for me when I had none left for myself. They reminded me who I was long before I remembered it again.
Now, Am I jaded? Bitter? Spiteful?
No. None of that.
I’m still grateful deeply, quietly grateful to my Krishna for guiding me, protecting my children, and for all the people that he has woven into my path as my soul family.
In a month, I will write my gratitude list again.
Not from a place of hurt, but from a place of strength.
Thanking everyone and everything life placed on my path especially the storms.
Because they didn’t break me. They built me.
They gave me fire.
They gave me power.
And through it all, my children became the reason I walk in the light.
Like me, there are many out there who have immense strength and grit but remain suppressed or silenced by generational conditioning, family expectations, emotional burden or the guilt that we are raised to normalize or by mistaking endurance for love and silence for peace. Many simply lack the support or the nudge needed to walk towards that light.
I want to help them, not because it defines my entire purpose, but because it is a purpose I refuse to ignore.